Comfort Levels at the Table

Dungeons and Dragons at its core is a game of pretend. Anything can happen at the DM's discretion. Players are removed from themselves and placed into that of a fictional character. That is what makes D&D such a beautiful game. However, sometimes something can happen in the game that shocks the player at an emotional level, offends them, or otherwise causes them to feel uncomfortable.

This was especially present during the game's early days, when it was dominated by men in a time where women really weren't seen as equal. While it isn't nearly as much as an issue now, it still prevails in a hobby that is still a majority male. In this article, I will talk about some strategies a DM and players can employ to make sure everyone at the table has a fun and comfortable time.

As was discussed in my Session Zero post, one of the most important things to do before a campaign starts is mutually establish a theme and limitations. These two things go hand-in-hand. For example, if a group decides they want their campaign to feel like the grounded, gritty medieval world of Game of Thrones, then players and the DM can expect there to be dark, often taboo themes. But if you decide you want an epic, globe-trotting, Lord of the Rings style adventure, there would be little to no dark themes expected from that, as the movies the campaign would be based off of is very much on the mild side of PG-13.

Game of Thrones is (in)famous for its darker, taboo themes and gritty realism.

Once theme is established, and the game is in progress, issues can still arise that the DM or player did not expect. A tactic that a DM can employ at the table is having a "safe word" or "safe gesture" that differs from player to player. With this, a player can quietly inform the DM that what is transpiring makes them uncomfortable, without directly putting themselves in the spotlight with the other players. This is the simplest, most effective way to quickly divert away from said issue without causing a big scene at the table, and makes players feel more willing to share with the DM when this happens.

Taking advantage of your time in session zero to set thematic ground rules and using the individualized safe word/phrase systems in-game are very useful in maintaining a sense of comfort and fun for everyone involved, and I highly recommend using them in your games.